I haven't updated my journal in forever because I haven't had the net. I'm chillin' at a friends house and thought I would post. I'm moving to San Antonio soon. My grandpa got married on the 17th of September, he was going to sell his house but since my mom moved to New Mexico he decided to let me live in the house. He's charging me $100 a month to live in a 3 bedroom house. Amber is moving in with me and maybe someone else I'm not sure yet. I'm really excited but then again sad at the same time. I know that I'm going to miss it here but it is going to be a new start for me. I have to meet all new people now. My brother will be there though which will be awsome. I told him that anytime he wants time alone he can bring the twins over it my house and I will watch them. It makes me really happy that I will get to see them grow up. I'm going to be a badass aunt I just wish I could have been there for my brothers first son. He has 3 boys now which just blows my mind. I never thought that my brother would be settled down with 3 kids and he's only 26 years old. He doesn't think that him and his wife are going to stay together for very long. It's his own fault though. I think him and Amber messed around when he came down a few weeks ago to move all my big stuff. That really makes me sick. I didn't think that it was going to bother me that much but it's just not right. I told him that I didn't care thinking that nothing was going to happen. I talked to him yesterday and he asked me if she had told me anything that had happened that night. I guess its my own fault though because I didn't sleep in the same room as them. I stayed in my room alone because I was in a shitty mood. Do I really have a reason to be upset though? My best friend messed around with my brother and didn't even tell me anything. I wish she would have at least said Kari something happened with me and your brother. I don't want to know what happened just that something happened. You know?

John and I broke up on Amber's birthday. I feel bad about what happened between us but it was time. He tried so hard to make me something that I'm not and it was making me crazy. He reminds me of my mom when she was trying to control my every move. We never hung out with any of my friends because I didn't feel confortable taking him to meet my boys. We're trying to stay friends but I don't know how well it's going to work. He calls all the time wanting me to hang out with him and then gets pissed off when I don't want to. He told me yesterday that he is jealous of Trent because I've been hanging out with him alot. I'm moving in two weeks and I just want to enjoy myself. I've been wanting to chill with Trent again ever since before he got locked up. I never could though because of John. He wouldn't allow me to hang out with him so I would just do it and keep in on the low. Now I don't ahve to hide shit from him. It's my life and now I don't have to worry about anyone trying to control anything that I want to do. I can make my own choices and not have to worry about getting bitched at by someone whos opinion I don't really care about.

Jason my best friend went to the Navy. He's gay and in the Navy and it just makes me so proud of him. He's doing the best thing he can do. Going to school and doing it for free. He told me that he has told about 2 people that he is gay but everyone has to know. We've known he was gay since the 7th grade. When he came out to me and Ashley the reaction we boh had was "duh!" I miss him alot and can't wait to see him again. I need him to be close to me again. The best friend a girl can ever have is the jock/cheerleader/Sailor gay guy. I love that kid.

No more writing for me now...


-Kari